"Dear Busty BriAnna..." The Best of My Fan Mail
Archive 19
___________________________
~
Waiting... Dept. Pt.2 ~
(The following
letters pertain to tour requests)
Q*
"Hello again,
...I wanted
to add if you are not coming to Baltimore due to a change of plans, let me
know
and I could come up there if you are in
Manhattan... does it sound like I've started to drool?
Just a bit of anticipation down here!"
...
...
Q* "BriAnna,
Are you still planning on a
Boston trip? I noticed one scheduled on your
online calendar -
and it seemed like you were going to be here for the
Democratic National Convention...
Bill Clinton call you?"
...
...
.~ Spam Dept. Pt.1
~
(So you guys think YOU get annoying spam?! Check out some of the ridiculous e-mails we escorts get!)
Q*
"Hello Brianna
!
We
saw your add on Eros and we would like to bring your attention to the two best
selling
products in your industry. Our company does not advertise publicly, we
mostly service the
entertainment community. Most of our products are
specifically for people with special needs like
yourself.
Don’t
lose money while on your period! Use our Action Tampon!
Beppy
is especially designed for women who during their period desire sex. Our super soft tampon
has no
string, no wing, so a woman and her partner can make love without noticing
Beppy’s
presence. It has a cavity on one end and ridge on
the other end. The
cavity fits nicely over the cervix,
therefore Beppy stays in place securely
during sexual activity."
A*
Okay, two points here:
1)
"Don't lose money during your period!" <That may be true, but
what's also true is that we're
guaranteed a bacterial
infection from fingering our pussies, trying to FIND "Beppy",
after it's
pushed all the way up us during
sex! Thus, the extra money we make during our period will go
to A) Our gynecologist exam,
then B) The pharmacist, for the medicine to clear the infection
caused by "Beppy",
then C) The rest of the week that we have to TAKE OFF to heal our pussy
from the bacterial infection
caused by "Beppy"!
2) What makes this
company think we'd WANT to work during our period in the first place?!?!
Case in point: Bloating +
Cramps + Bleeding = A woman's menstrual cycle.
That's okay, I'LL PASS on
"Beppy"!
/////
Q*
"To Busty BriAnna,
Tighten without surgery with our ENLIL!
Introducing
Enlil the pure natural vaginal cleanser with vaginal tightening and contracting
effects. This product will restore your sexual experience to what it used to be
by correcting your
vaginal looseness. It also works to prevent vaginitis, kills
bacteria and eliminates odors. The
effects are immediate and last up to two
days."
"We are the only company selling these products in the U.S.!"
A* Two
points here as well:
1)
It's a well-known
fact that vaginal cleansers (ie: Enlil), as well as douches, can DESTROY the
"good" bacteria
that helps fight infection! They state: "We are the only company
selling these
products in the
U.S."... That's because they're the only company that thinks women are stupid
enough
to buy this!
2)
What makes them
think every woman needs "tightening"?! They talk about vaginas
like
they're the Lincoln
Tunnel once a woman has sex/gives birth... NOT!!!
...
...
~
Blowing-Your-Own-Horn Dept. Pt.2 ~
(The
following four e-mails, arranged chronologically over a year & a half,
were from the same person...)
Q* "Can you handle my 14 inch whopper that I have?"
Q* "Can you handle a 16 inch Texas whopper like I posses?"
Q*
"Would you like to have my 16 inch dip stick (name is Wilbur) as a Christmas
present?
Wilbur would like to have you."
Q* "You turn my dip stick, Dirty Harry on. He can get up to 22 inches long."
A*
Wow! His dick (who apparently has 2 different names) grew 8 inches
in just 18 months (yeah right)!
Why is he e-mailing ME? He should be lecturing at
the Mayo Clinic!
/////
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