Some cities ban it, some cities "zone" it, while others couldn't care less...
I'm talking about the adult entertainment business of-course! From escorts to dancers, XXX magazines to XXX movies, one thing remains true: THE SEX BUSINESS IS HERE TO STAY!
And since I've worked in many different "branches" of it, I thought I'd poke fun at it!

.....
~ Sisters Of Mercy  ~

A man was driving down a deserted highway, and notices a sign that reads:
"SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 10 MILES"
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination, and drives on.
Soon, he sees another sign that reads:
"SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - 5 MILES"
Realizing these signs are for real, he drives on, and sure enough, there is a third sign:
"SISTERS OF MERCY HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION - NEXT RIGHT"
His curiosity gets the better of him, and he pulls in to the driveway.
On the side of the parking lot is a somber building with a sign on the door that reads:
"SISTERS OF MERCY"
He climbs the steps, rings the bell, and the door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"
"I saw your sign along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing some business", he answers.
"Very well, my son. Please follow me", says the nun.
He is led through many winding passages, and soon he is disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door", and leaves.
The man does as he was told, and this door is opened by another nun in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs, "Please place $50.00 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway",
He places the money in the nun's tin cup. He then trots eagerly down the hallway, and slips through the door, pulling it shut.
As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
"Go in Peace. You have just been SCREWED by the Sisters Of Mercy"

.....
~ The Raffle Ticket ~

One day a man came home and his wife was wearing diamond stud earrings he had never seen before.
He asked, "Where did you get those?"
She said, "Oh, a raffle ticket! Go and run me a bath and I'll get your dinner ready".
The next day the man came home to find his wife wearing a brand new diamond tennis bracelet.
He asked, "Where did that come from?"
She answered, "Oh, another raffle ticket! Go and run me a bath and I'll get your dinner ready".
The next day he came home and his wife was wearing a brand new mink coat.
He asked, "Where did you get that?"
She said, "A raffle ticket! Go and run me a bath and I'll get your dinner ready".
A few minutes later, she came out of the bathroom and asked, "Why is there only an inch of water in the tub?"
He replied, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet".

.....
~ How Do You Spell Relief? ~

~ Can't A Girl Advertise? ~

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said:
"TWO PROSTITUTES - $50.00"
A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying:
"JESUS SAVES"
They asked the cop why he let the other car go, and he said, "Well, that's different. It pertains to religion".
So the two ladies took their sign down and took off.
The following day found the same cop in the area when he noticed the two ladies driving around with a large sign on their car again. Figuring he had an easy bust, he began to catch up with them when he noticed the new sign which read:
"TWO ANGELS SEEKING PETER - $50.00"

.....
~ Guys Can Hustle Too! ~

.....
~ "Meat" -vs- Feet ~

A salesman in a strange city was feeling horny and wanted a release.
He inquired for the address of a good house of ill repute.
He was told to go to 365 E West Street. By mistake, he went to 365 W East Street, the office of a podiatrist.
Being met by a beautiful woman in a white uniform surprised but intrigued him. She directed him to an examination room and told him to uncover and someone would be with him soon.
He loved the thought of the table, the reclining chair, and was really getting aroused because of the strange and different approach this house offered.
Finally the doctor's assistant, a really gorgeous redhead, entered and found him sitting in the chair with his generous member in his hand.
"Oh my goodness", she exclaimed, "I was expecting a foot!"
"Well", said the man rather indignantly, "If you're going to complain about an inch, then I'll take my business elsewhere!"

.....~ ~ Surprise, Surprise! ~

.....
~ Trumpet Porn ~

Jerry was hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he was excited. He was especially thrilled because he got to take two long solos.
After the sessions, which went great, Jerry couldn't wait to see the finished product. He asked the producer where & when he could catch the film.
A little embarrassed, the producer explained that the music was for a porno flick that would be out in a month, and told Jerry where he could go to see it.
A month later, Jerry, with his collar up and wearing dark glasses, went to the theatre where the picture was playing.
He walked in and sat way in the back, next to an elderly couple who also seemed to be disguised & hiding.
The movie started, and it was the filthiest, most perverse porno flick ever... group sex, S&M, golden showers... and then, half way through, a dog got in on the action.
Embarrassed, Jerry turned to couple and whispered, "I'm only here for the music".
The old woman turned to Jerry and whispered back, "That's OK, we're just here to see our dog".

....
~ Sexy Suzi! ~
(Click on the application below to see Suzi's "sauce")

images/suzip.exe

...........
~ Fools Rush In! ~

A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, "But we don't know anything about each other".
He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along".
So she consented, they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort.
The next morning, they while lying by the pool, when he got up off his towel, climbed to the 10 meter board and did a two & a half tuck gainer... this was followed by three rotations in the jackknife position, where he straightened out and entered the water perfectly. After a few demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel.
She said, "That's incredible!"
He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn about ourselves as we went along".
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty, she climbed back out and laid down on her towel, hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No", she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal".

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